True success and achievement is not about being better than someone else; it is about being better today than you were yesterday. Comparing yourself to anyone else is self-defeating, as there will always be someone faster, smarter, better looking, wealthier, and healthier than you. I know this is easier said that done because the world demands that you compare yourself to someone or something. Standing in line at the supermarket, you read headlines about the prettiest people in America, how to lose weight, how to have better sex, and how to look like a movie star. At work we are subjected to relative rankings and performance scales. Our children constantly face scrutiny and comparisons at school where they face grades on a curve, the homecoming court, and MVP awards. The same is true for us. We have been trained to compare ourselves to others as a way to determine our self-worth. Self-worth begins on the inside and never on the outside with comparing. Continuous comparisons create a constant stream of negativity in the form of competition between ourselves and the people around us. This especially happens between siblings and family members to the point where relationships are stretched to the limit and destroyed over competition and judgment. Comparing yourself to someone else is a veiled form of judgment. You are either judging them or judging yourself. Either way, it is unhealthy and unrealistic.

On the other hand, we often demand a comparison, thinking that we deserve something that someone else has. This creates a strong sense of inferiority, which, in turn, creates guilt and anger. Comparing yourself to anyone or anything else is a battle that cannot be won. To be truly happy requires that you let go of comparisons and establish your own measure of success. Your value is in your creation and is based on your divine nature. You are and always will be who God intended you to be. You are a child of God, and that is the greatest of all of his creations. God’s will and power are much greater than your own. Who does God think is more successful: the man who overcomes anger or the man who overcomes an addiction to alcohol? We could debate this question forever, but the truth is that there is no comparison! God is not going to compare us to someone else. That is only something that man does. Our goal is to improve, to grow, to become more like God, and to develop love, compassion, and experience joy. When you compare yourself to others, you limit yourself and you limit them. A study of more than eight thousand adults revealed that a person’s level of happiness is reduced by 26 percent if he or she regularly compares the quality of his or her family and social relationships to that of others. Comparing ourselves to others creates an unrealistic and unobtainable standard to live up to and leads to unhappiness.

There are at least three forms of comparisons that are dangerous: (1) when we compare ourselves to others; (2) when we have an unrealistic view of what success is; and (3) when we compare others to others, such as comparing your spouse, your partner, or your bother to someone else. All of these comparisons are unhealthy and cause you to determine your self worth from outside sources. You are beautiful, you are wonderful, and all that beauty and all that wonder are already inside of you. Be happy by not comparing and you will see just how beautiful you are.

We all like to hear the words thank you and to have our deeds, whether small or big noticed and appreciated.  Though we all like to hear ‘thank you’ we seldom go out of our way to say it to others. My friend Judy tells this story. While shopping at Macy’s she visited the lady’s room and found it fresh and was exceptionally clean. When she exited, the woman who had just cleaned the bathrooms was finishing putting her supplies in the cleaning cart. Judy took a minute to say, “The restroom was clean and fresh. Thank you for doing a good job.” The cleaning person started to cry and said that she had been there four years and not one person had said thank you. It was overwhelming that someone would not only notice but stop and say thank you. How often are we in a position to make someone’s day by sincerely expressing our gratitude? A sincere thank you can brighten anyone’s day and will make you feel better as well. Saying thank you does not have to be a big production or a big round of applause. I have found that sincere appreciation is received better than fan-fare. You can express appreciation without even saying it. Your body language says much more than your words can ever communicate. Besides words, appreciation is shown in how you interact with the cashier at the grocery store, the server at the restaurant, or the person cleaning the bathroom. Not to mention how you stand in line at the bank or the post office. It is my experience that, for the most part, the people I interact with are trying to do their best and I get much better service and attention the more grateful and appreciative I am to all the people I encounter.  The person you express appreciation to is not the only beneficiary. You will find that expressing appreciation will brighten your attitude, put a smile on your face, and reduce stress. The more you express appreciation the fewer problems you will have, you will get better service where ever you go and you will be happier. The flip side of expressing appreciation is learning how to take a compliment. How you take a compliment is another form of expressing appreciation. Your acceptance of a compliment is directly related to how you feel about yourself. I often witness people minimizing or dismissing a sincere compliment. Are we afraid of success? Do we think that we don’t deserve recognition? Many of us are afraid of appearing arrogant, and so when we are given a compliment or shown some appreciation, we dismiss it as if to appear humble. However, what happens most often is it diminishes the intent of the person giving the compliment and might even offend them. Because of my speaking and consulting engagements, I am often told how well I do. At first I would dismiss the compliment with some quip or comment that spoiled their intent. I have since learned that the most appropriate response to any compliment or any expression of appreciation is to simply say, “Thank you,” or “Thank you, I appreciate you saying that.” When you give, you get. In our youth, we all heard that it is better to give than to receive and it is true. The paradox is that as you give of your “self” through expressing appreciation and humbly accepting compliments you will find there is more of your “self” to give.

Nothing will make you happy. Happiness comes from the inside. Actually, it is better said that no thing can make you happy. Don’t live the fantasy thinking that your next job, your next promotion, a bigger house, car, or some other material thing can make you happy. It becomes a never-ending pursuit. Once you achieve what you think can make you happy, you may feel fleeting euphoria but not lasting happiness. There have been many studies on this very topic such as the landmark study in 1977 by psychologist Phillip Brickman. He compared lottery winners to quadriplegics to determine which group was happier or had a higher quality of life.  At first blush, you would readily think that someone who has millions of dollars and can buy anything they want would find great happiness. The study reported that those people who had lost the use of limbs or even their entire body from the neck down claimed they had a higher quality of life than they did before they were paralyzed. The lottery winners reported a state of excitement and euphoria that soon ended, and their quality of life actually deteriorated. Some of the lottery winners even declared bankruptcy or fell into addictions. No thing can bring you happiness. You become happy from the inside out.  If you are like me, your intellect knows that material things don’t make you happy. But my actions didn’t follow what I knew intellectually and I found myself expecting to be happy every time something good happened to me. Sure, I was happy for a while, but it didn’t’ last. Sometimes it was more a matter of trying to influence and convince God to grant me happiness by creating favorable circumstances. But circumstances are on the outside, not on the inside. Happiness is not dependant on your circumstances, especially ones that you try to create or influence. Regardless of your situation, you can be happy. There are so many people around us who have real and difficult problems who are content and happy, and yet there are so many who are not. The difference is not in the circumstances but what is on the inside. No thing can make you happy. Happiness is living in a way that brings peace and contentment into your life regardless of the circumstances. I have met many successful yet miserable people. People who you would consider successful in every way but who claim they are empty inside. Perhaps you find yourself in that category—successful but unfulfilled, successful but not happy. I was once there! I did not change my job, find a new wife, or move to a different city to be happy. I found it inside of me, and you can find it inside of you!

Welcome to The Happiness Blog. Over the coming weeks and months check back often as I share with you ways to be happy no matter what! That’s right, no matter what your circumstances you can be happy. Perhaps you are happy already and are looking for ways to make that happiness last. Or, maybe you are struggling with a real problem and need some help. Either way, both my book, The Happiness Factor: How to be HAPPY no matter WHAT! and this blog will help you discover how to be happy! Over the next weeks and months come back often. If there is a subject you would like me to write about please visit my website www.thehappinessfactor.com and email me or post a comment here. I look forward to hearing from you.Here are some sample topics of upcoming posts: